You can never predict the future.. ever
I’ve
had this sitting here for a while now, not knowing if I should post or not..
Now I don't want to go into detail too much here but I do want to say it
is hard writing about it let alone expressing my feelings.
I am wanting to write this post to let my Mum know just how much
she is loved, and how much her daughter (me) looks up to her.
If there is one thing I want to inherit from my Mum it is her
amazing strength and will power. No matter curve balls life throws at her she
conquers and comes out with a smile on her face, not to mention in her own
struggles she would drop anything to help another person even if it’s just to
get a smile back on their face.
Seeing
Mum in intensive care before Xmas last year, and having her not wake up from a
coma I thought that was it... I honestly thought my mum was slipping away
into another place. I had said to myself after that, if mum ends up
in intensive care, I cannot be there. I just can't! I had nightmares
almost every night for a week about that and seeing her like that. When I
walked in and spoke to mum and she wasn't responding but then as soon as I
mentioned Hayley she tried pulling her head up and turning her head (all while
in a coma) that killed me inside. She ends up in intensive care at
least 3 times a year, but this time I tell you something was different… Mum has more health issues now then I
can count on one hand. For starters she is refined to a wheelchair, on 24/7
oxygen thanks to her brittle asthma and emphysema, chronic back pain, arthritis
and the list honestly goes on- Like I said nothing can EVER hold this woman
down and I am more then proud to call her MY MUM!!!
My Mum- Nicole would go to extreme measures to make sure us kids
were happy, and when I say extreme I mean it!! I couldn’t imagine life without
my Mum and now thanks to health complications it is something I have had to
deal with and think about. Nobody EVER wants to see their love ones sick or
told they have so many years to live, especially your Mother. Mum is only 42 years of age and has been told that she has less then 4 years left on the
ticker. Now I know my Mum and I know that she will prove them wrong, and if not
I know she gave it her best shot and did all she could right up until that last
breath.
Mum and I have not always gotten along and their was a period in my
life where all I wanted was my Dad and I rebelled against her.. Well Mum stuck
it out and stuck by me, and when I grew up and realised she was not the bad guy
and was doing what she was doing for us I fell in love with her all over again. She was looking out for us all along, but I just did not see that.
I was lucky enough to give her 2 grandkids, who absolutely adore
her and they have a bond like no other… I don’t want them to
loose that bond ever.
The little person that will take it the hardest is
Grandma’s baby girl Hayley… I used to live with Mum when I
had Hayley and for the first 2 years of her life she grew up around her
Grandma, so that is where this bond stemmed from.
There is soo many things I need my Mum there for- a shoulder to
cry on, the best person for motherly advice and most importantly I want my Mum
to be there on my wedding day, if that was to ever come around! But just in general I want my Mum FOREVER, heaven doesn't need another angel.
You don't
realise what you have until it is too late, and I will NOT be upset I will
be happy and spend every single possible second I can with my mum right up
until her last breath. Even though she has been given a time span,
it doesn't make a difference as before those tests and doctors
appointments it was the same except we would have never known and then could
have lived with a lot more regrets not getting to do things with our
Mum/Grandma like we wished we could!
I
love my Mum and no matter the situation she will always be my Mum and I
will love her more then any soul on this planet as she put me here and gave me
life!!
xx
I need to stop now... Cant see the keyboard behind these tears. I wanted to get
it out there so you all know why I am a little quite, or not the same!
It isn't you - its the emotions I am hiding inside and probably the fear
to.. xx
Don’t
take life for granted as you never know when it may come to an end – Erin xx
